life is painful.. when you're ignored, when you're forgotten, when you're left out.. its like the whole world forgot you even existed or hav human needs.. am i that umimportant in other ppl's eyes? wad position do i even hav in other ppl's hearts? its not only being talked to or what, its the feeling of acceptance within a group.. the pain of being left out is just too much to take.. you just feel like you're a negligible and unimportant object.. why am i so awkwardly placed.. why cant anyone understand me? sch is damn stressful and my parents want to ban me from playing computer games. what logic is this? i cant even relax? oh sure you want me to read the newspaper and probably be the best, cream of the crop, but what if im just not suited to be one? just spare a thought for me can? you dont noe what kind of stress life has in this generation for someone like me.. i just want to blend in yet.. im already doing whatever i can already.. what more do i hav to do to be accepted? i try to help out other ppl despite the trouble, i try to support others through their times of difficulty.. im always doing my best to meet up to other ppl's expectations and wants.. yet.. why me?

emo..

im damn tired.. life has just been too much for me to handle.. i feel like an idiot.. im pathetic.. im a useless hypocrite.. i made up my mind to organise my whole sch life better.. its still in this suck state.. im not getting on well with my class except with familar ppl.. cca is hectic like mad, training for the italy competition as well as learning new songs that sound a bit like preschool without scores.. biasedness has been displayed plainly accompanied with a couldnt care less attitude.. why me? why am i so pathetic.. i suck at everything.. nothing i excel well in.. studies failure. social confidence failure. sports failure. music failure. cca failure. even gaming failure.. i just suck.. i hate this life.. i hate myself.. let me free.. tts all i long for..

life sux.

this is my own life. can i just have some say in my own life or not? everything i do always has a benchmark already set by either siblings or others. why cant i have my own freedom? you claim i dont hav any self limits. well you're totally wrong. i am human as well, can you please think about that? and im not like those kind of ppl that are really addicted eh. i still have consciousness about me getting more and more addicted. last year this already happened. you could come up and counsel me. but do you even noe tt you're partly the reason? you probably think that everything you do is right, everything you do is for our own good. my foot. we're from different generations. your thinking isnt the same liao. cant you understand? you say dun compae things with other people, yet you will always compare my results with my friends or your friend's children.

i want my own life.. you expect me to do this, yet you yourself do that? if you gamble, and you expect me to not gamble, can you see the ironicity in this? you hardly set any examples for me to follow.. its like trying to walk on a road blindfolded without any instructions.. my whole life is screwed. im trying to salvage it. but dun expect me to be a miracle. i am who i am. i dont nid directions for my own life all the time.

im damn pissed off with my life.. my homework all are screwed with deadlines meant to make me dead by the end of this year.. my stupid schedule is packed like mad with rehersals and extra-curriculum lessons like maths olympiad.. 3 weeks later flying off to italy for choral competition.. the current state that we are in is definitely not up to standard yet.. anw after international competition got musical gotta prepare for >.< mon wed fri and sat practise for it? omg lah.. break pls.

i think i gotta quit dota for a while.. whole day parents complaining about me playing computer games when they dun even noe why.. how virtual reality can be less painful than real life..

zz.. so freaking busy with common test.. or rather, "mastery review" as my principal prefers to call it.. oso dunno for wad.. trying to juggle my time with studying(seldom xD), cca, assembly performance and tutoring..

will post after common tests over.. dota wait for me!!!

kk.. got not much time so just briefly post something..

changed to bass todae.. must relearn everything tt i memorised for the scores.. nic haw save me sia.. i only noe how to sight read..

hoping that lying to quintus can make him perform for assembly.. xD chao guailan de lor.. at china want to perform den got overtaken by fishlips.. den come back like dun want to perform liao.. huh? only to sec1/2 ehh.. at china is perform to music/arts sch students..

presentation about china trip coming up soon.. having gotten my xiangsheng script yet.. aargh.. must memorise it and oso must study for common tests.. zz..

cca is screwed.. hopefully after the previous batch of ppl came back to help with it, it will unscrew itself.. sian lah.. wanna do sth about it.. wondering if can get leadership position.. if can, i wanna bring the cca back to its original state when cedric n andy were president.. that kind of fun times being in the cca itself.. their time was really one of the best lor..

trying to learn as much about music as possible from kenneth.. pretty hard.. and realising 2-6 hav a lot of perfect pitch ppl sia..

nobel you slacker!!!!!!

cca politics hav somehow been developed.. -stress- expecting to be having a lecture tmr regarding it.. haiz..

eng hw still behind time.. this time intending to really complete everything i've been leaving over one weekend.. havent gone lan for damn long liao.. having urges to play dota.. lolz. so wrong.

agreed to play lord of olympia against nathan centaur warchief.. lolz nathan centaur lose to kenneth zeus so shld be hard.. got confidence xD

common tests, or what the school calls it, "mastery review" or wadeva rubbish that has name but no substance in 2 weeks time.. supposedly "mastery reviews" can be retaken over and over again until u happy de.. but unfortunately, as said above, nothing. not like the name sounds better as it does before anw..

hoping to fuse in with my class soon.. everyone mostly hanging arnd with their more familar frenz.. >.<

still as busy as ever >.>