(=^_^=)'''

2008-02-21T22:07:00.004+08:00

life is painful.. when you're ignored, when you're forgotten, when you're left out.. its like the whole world forgot you even existed or hav human needs.. am i that umimportant in other ppl's eyes? wad position do i even hav in other ppl's hearts? its not only being talked to or what, its the feeling of acceptance within a group.. the pain of being left out is just too much to take.. you just feel like you're a negligible and unimportant object.. why am i so awkwardly placed.. why cant anyone understand me? sch is damn stressful and my parents want to ban me from playing computer games. what logic is this? i cant even relax? oh sure you want me to read the newspaper and probably be the best, cream of the crop, but what if im just not suited to be one? just spare a thought for me can? you dont noe what kind of stress life has in this generation for someone like me.. i just want to blend in yet.. im already doing whatever i can already.. what more do i hav to do to be accepted? i try to help out other ppl despite the trouble, i try to support others through their times of difficulty.. im always doing my best to meet up to other ppl's expectations and wants.. yet.. why me?

2008-02-14T21:32:00.003+08:00

emo..

im damn tired.. life has just been too much for me to handle.. i feel like an idiot.. im pathetic.. im a useless hypocrite.. i made up my mind to organise my whole sch life better.. its still in this suck state.. im not getting on well with my class except with familar ppl.. cca is hectic like mad, training for the italy competition as well as learning new songs that sound a bit like preschool without scores.. biasedness has been displayed plainly accompanied with a couldnt care less attitude.. why me? why am i so pathetic.. i suck at everything.. nothing i excel well in.. studies failure. social confidence failure. sports failure. music failure. cca failure. even gaming failure.. i just suck.. i hate this life.. i hate myself.. let me free.. tts all i long for..

2008-02-13T21:39:00.002+08:00

life sux.

this is my own life. can i just have some say in my own life or not? everything i do always has a benchmark already set by either siblings or others. why cant i have my own freedom? you claim i dont hav any self limits. well you're totally wrong. i am human as well, can you please think about that? and im not like those kind of ppl that are really addicted eh. i still have consciousness about me getting more and more addicted. last year this already happened. you could come up and counsel me. but do you even noe tt you're partly the reason? you probably think that everything you do is right, everything you do is for our own good. my foot. we're from different generations. your thinking isnt the same liao. cant you understand? you say dun compae things with other people, yet you will always compare my results with my friends or your friend's children.

i want my own life.. you expect me to do this, yet you yourself do that? if you gamble, and you expect me to not gamble, can you see the ironicity in this? you hardly set any examples for me to follow.. its like trying to walk on a road blindfolded without any instructions.. my whole life is screwed. im trying to salvage it. but dun expect me to be a miracle. i am who i am. i dont nid directions for my own life all the time.

2008-02-11T23:11:00.001+08:00

im damn pissed off with my life.. my homework all are screwed with deadlines meant to make me dead by the end of this year.. my stupid schedule is packed like mad with rehersals and extra-curriculum lessons like maths olympiad.. 3 weeks later flying off to italy for choral competition.. the current state that we are in is definitely not up to standard yet.. anw after international competition got musical gotta prepare for >.< mon wed fri and sat practise for it? omg lah.. break pls.

i think i gotta quit dota for a while.. whole day parents complaining about me playing computer games when they dun even noe why.. how virtual reality can be less painful than real life..

2008-01-29T21:05:00.001+08:00

zz.. so freaking busy with common test.. or rather, "mastery review" as my principal prefers to call it.. oso dunno for wad.. trying to juggle my time with studying(seldom xD), cca, assembly performance and tutoring..

will post after common tests over.. dota wait for me!!!

2008-01-21T21:10:00.000+08:00

kk.. got not much time so just briefly post something..

changed to bass todae.. must relearn everything tt i memorised for the scores.. nic haw save me sia.. i only noe how to sight read..

hoping that lying to quintus can make him perform for assembly.. xD chao guailan de lor.. at china want to perform den got overtaken by fishlips.. den come back like dun want to perform liao.. huh? only to sec1/2 ehh.. at china is perform to music/arts sch students..

presentation about china trip coming up soon.. having gotten my xiangsheng script yet.. aargh.. must memorise it and oso must study for common tests.. zz..

cca is screwed.. hopefully after the previous batch of ppl came back to help with it, it will unscrew itself.. sian lah.. wanna do sth about it.. wondering if can get leadership position.. if can, i wanna bring the cca back to its original state when cedric n andy were president.. that kind of fun times being in the cca itself.. their time was really one of the best lor..

trying to learn as much about music as possible from kenneth.. pretty hard.. and realising 2-6 hav a lot of perfect pitch ppl sia..

nobel you slacker!!!!!!

2008-01-17T22:08:00.000+08:00

cca politics hav somehow been developed.. -stress- expecting to be having a lecture tmr regarding it.. haiz..

eng hw still behind time.. this time intending to really complete everything i've been leaving over one weekend.. havent gone lan for damn long liao.. having urges to play dota.. lolz. so wrong.

agreed to play lord of olympia against nathan centaur warchief.. lolz nathan centaur lose to kenneth zeus so shld be hard.. got confidence xD

common tests, or what the school calls it, "mastery review" or wadeva rubbish that has name but no substance in 2 weeks time.. supposedly "mastery reviews" can be retaken over and over again until u happy de.. but unfortunately, as said above, nothing. not like the name sounds better as it does before anw..

hoping to fuse in with my class soon.. everyone mostly hanging arnd with their more familar frenz.. >.<

still as busy as ever >.>

2008-01-16T21:34:00.001+08:00

haiz.. so busy.. my homework is damn screwed up lah.. journals and geog hw given by an undescribable teacher.. and cca is getting stressful.. going up to 4 times a week including sectionals.. trying to learn music from a fren in class.. physical punishments until my shoulders all ache lyk mad.. i nid to train more.. zz..

try to post properly asap.. missing dota like mad ~.~

2008-01-09T23:00:00.001+08:00

trying to post pics on the blog.. so posted a few in case first few didnt work.. hmm.. seems like all worked..

2008-01-09T22:57:00.000+08:00

2008-01-09T22:44:00.000+08:00

2008-01-09T22:09:00.000+08:00

phew.. today's one day that i finally caught up with my pace of school.. like damn guai lan.. today had choral training with the choir for 3+hours until 6pm.. den stil can finish my accumulated hw from the past few days and got time left to play dota on zion.. woots xD but still dun see the logic sia.. maybe it's just my attitude to my work. or it could be just that i had a early and light dinner^^

haiz.. running out of manga to read liao.. hmm.. now reading starocean星海游侠:till the end of time besides rereading 太阳与风的坡道 xD got a craze about chinese manga sia.. lolz.. but sian lah.. i think the library dun hav the rest of the 星海游侠 series.. T.T think i go buy liao.. i nid a nice long manga series to last me.. anyone got recommendation? :P

might be moving to bass in the choir.. my vocal range damn guai lan.. somewhere in between tenor and bass.. and my falsetto just doesnt want to come out sia.. like got sth blocking it in my throat.. watched a few basses sing soprano notes while they auditioning to change sections.. kinda amusing to see ppl struggle with their falsettos.. =P

遗忘在一旁原来那么痛苦...

2008-01-07T22:29:00.000+08:00

sorry sia.. damn busy of late.. =P
try to post aS sOoN aS pOsSiBlE..
xP
behind work liao.. wth.. so fast?
and sleeping through more lessons now..
english is starting to bore me now..
of course, history oso..
not that history isnt boring me for the first time..
history teacher is actually quite good..
it's just the subject..
zz..
so sleepy..
havent done so much homework..
omg..
somehow cant cope with my life..
resolved to do so but..
i hav a pathetic willpower probably..
zz..
choir so busy..
tmr got performance for whole sec1 level that i nvr was informed about..
hav to cope with 3 practices a week till march..
not including Nucleii training..
maybe after the Italy competition it'll be more relaxed..
zz..
time to go to sleep..
ytr night couldnt get a wink of sleep..
someone save my life..
while it still has hope..

2008-01-02T22:01:00.000+08:00

haiz.. now school reopen cant play as much dota liao.. T.T lolz. think im addicted. hmm.. xD

ytr played a rubbish match. opponent mh-ed and soon almost everyone was mh-ing lor. den i was there, like wth-ing. just quickly follow the pudge around and support him (bane ele.) whole match was rubbish and we caught up with k/d until they manual kick him. lolz. den everyone left with him. x.x waste of time sia..

today owned with bh ^^ idiot centaur feed me damn alot.. he low health still stay near me for me to shuriken toss. lolz. in the end all the feeders left and the survivors got pumped up quite hard. but in the end still win. ^^ spammed my diffusal blade like no tmr.

today got my new timetable. im gonna hate tuesdays.. like every subject on that day and drag until abt 345pm i think.. my english teacher is very "computer-savvy" *sarcasm* while my phy teacher seemed to be advertising some assessment books.. form teacher quite a nice guy, i've heard.. and i got saboed to be english rep. dumbass alan.. i wanted to be treasurer lor. even though last year the class fund went into negative $100, its not that bad rite? at least i got it back to $100 in the end. lolz..

看到你身边的人，觉得自己越来越在你眼里没价值...
自己却放不下这段感情...

2008-01-01T15:28:00.001+08:00

happy new year guys xP

sian.. in a blink of an eye, the holidays already over.. zz.. and when the next december holidays come, it's gonna be more of a stressful "holiday".. after that preparations for sec4 o'levels.. wth lor.. so fast become sec3 liao.. stressful sia x.x den after that poly/jc, den ns, den university.. and after that.. working liao.. not much to expect in the future lor.. only retirement. lol.

after coming back from my holiday.. all my dota skills gone sia.. nid to train them back up to standard.. still wondering if i can play during school time.. lol.. wondering if my sec3 class even noes wad is dota.. my sec1/2 class almost everyone plays dota lor xD influence until so zai. from only about 5 ppl to about 30+ ppl out of 36. lolz..

oh yeah.. i havent bought my school textbooks yet.. omg.. xD sianz.. doubt they're open on new year..

2007-12-31T10:51:00.000+08:00

phew.. finally back from my holiday!

quite a fun trip.. seems like most of the expenses was paid by my sister who was working there.. thanks jie.. the trip was one of the most memorable holidays i had.. :P

went quite a few places in these 2 weeks.. travelled quite a bit sightseeing.. but over there their culture is VERY open up lor.. all kinds of things related to ***.. lolz.. some of those stuff offensing so i'd better not post it here.. bleahx

on the plane to go over and meet my sis, my dad was asking me why his earphones werent working.. turns out they werent even plugged in.. like wth? lol. nah probably forgot lah.. he cant be that un-technologically savvy or wadeva u call it.

on the plane spammed movies all the way.. from ratatouille to HSM2(woot) to transformers etc etc etc.. lol transformers the mom asked the son directly in front of the gal if he was having his "happy time". like wth lor. where got mother ask so direct? lolz.

to jas: sorrrryyyyyyyyy T_T cant find any shops selling dumbo and tigger..gomenasai <=[ but got a few stuff to redempt. =P

Merry Belated Christmas everyone! xP

在那里，每当看到了非笔墨所能形容的风景，多么希望你能在旁边，与我一起欣赏那无限的美景…
不知你是否也跟我一样…

2007-12-14T15:50:00.000+08:00

will be setting off for the airport in a few hours..me and my bro by train while my parents and my oldest bro by taxi.. doing like this so no nid 2 taxis.. we bringing quite a bit of stuff.. coz my sis wants some stuff from s'pore.. over there more expensive..

lol i change my opinion about our class clan.. today play with them they set up tactics to own ppl.. it was way better than yesterday lor.. there was more teamwork than yesterday xP but in the end still lose. 2 of their ppl left so they pumped up themselves till very gay.. but it was a good game ^^ hmm.. beastmaster sandking slayer warlock.. not bad a combination.. all stunners. lol.. if only the last guy (stranger) used a stunner oso xD super gheyy

haiz.. time is flying damn fast.. like the time i went china with quintus and nobel.. the 10 days just disappeared in a flash.. the holidays are fading too.. zz.. when i come back its gonna be school reopen.. haiz good times really just fly by.. in a wink of an eye already sec3 liao.. i so freaking got deprived childhood lor. bleahx

hopefully when i go over i can get a computer.. den i'll post sum more.. maybe post a few photos too ^^ hope its gonna snow man.. the scenery would be damn nice.. :P

2007-12-13T23:24:00.000+08:00

lately really damn slack.. been playing dota a lot.. our class clan really sux man.. keep tio thrash when we play together.. and make me use a hero that will feed to their heroes.. wth lah.. mostly everyone dun hav very good teamwork.. they more of think more of themselves than others.. that's why i like playing with strangers on zion xD at least they hav slightly better teamwork in general xP and they wont force me to use a hero tt i will feed with -.-

anime fight change a lot sia.. now got new heroes and new skills for old heroes.. the old version the sephiroth rox! now newer version like sucky and pathetic -.- and im still trying to figure out how to play vamp fire.. like so much im ignorant of of the game ><

lol.. my whole mind full of warcraft sia xP nvr play flyff for quite a while liao.. but anyway noone i noe playing it liao.. zz.. i play all those MMORPGs that noone play T.T but maybe soon cant play flyff liao.. seems like it's only licensed to european countries.. zz.. all the effort in the game might all be gone liao.. multimillionare.. aargh..

going overseas tmr night.. im going to visit my sister who's working overseas.. den at the same time go visit my aunt who imigrated there.. haiz but hav to scrimp and save a lot den can go.. but hopefully got snow xDD i like snow except for the fact that it's freezing. lol xP

to moumouren: still want me call you before i go off? lol last time went overseas called you damn early in the morning with the airport free phone.. this time damn late at night ^^

Buffalax Does Colbert!

2007-12-11T18:43:00.001+08:00

another one.. watch!

2007-12-11T18:17:00.000+08:00

today.. such a slack day..

woke up at 9:30am today.. played dota to 12noon xD there were bugs.. so pissed off.. axe berserker call bloodseeker and i shackled immediately after. den the bloodseeker started running about in my shackles.. looked damn comical but damn diao lor.. in the end tio kill coz i tank other ppl while shackling, or rather watching bs run about in my shackles.. after that went to play with my sec2 classmates.. total crap again.. tio thrash for every match.. so much for being a clan lor.. played for a few hours again before playing pudge wars.. some idiot got fed until the hook was at maximum speed*wtf*so fast that if u dun pay attention u cant see it>< tio thrash again.. today so suay arh :/

now nothing to do.. so sian now.. yet the time fly so fast for the holidays.. ironic huh. think i go watch jay chou movie called secret or sth.. xD so lagg. nvr watch yet n bought the movie when i went china with the sch.. talking about china, i miss it like shit man.. everything all so cheap.. den can bargain like wth one.. with frens like nobel they all.. damn fun xD liked going around "blessing" the teachers' hotel rooms xP

Crazy Indian Video... Buffalaxed!

2007-12-10T23:57:00.001+08:00

lol this clip is funny.. watch it!

2007-12-10T20:20:00.000+08:00

today had choir in the afternoon.. was late again.. its not my fault almost all the time that im late lor.. sometimes i so suay the bus leaving as i turn around the corner to the busstop.. >< den sometimes my mom halfway cook lunch when i nid to go off liao.. haiz.. actually im a damn heavy sleeper lor.. if i sleep without any disturbance i can wake up the following morning like 12noon or so, sleeping for 12hrs straight.. when i sleep its very hard to get me to wake up halfway one.. xP so in the morning very hard for me to wake up one.. how many alarm clocks oso wont work one.. :P

today had choir practise at 1pm with Dc. Zecharias Goh Toh Chai or sth.. first part was total crap to me lor.. tenors and bass combined sectionals.. was quite lame to me.. den some idiot sec2 with attitudal problem i think keep kajiao-ing another sec1.. like wth lor.. den the whole section keep tio scolding.. zz.. after that when the whole choir was singing with zecharias goh conducting it was better..

went to library.. finally got a book of a manga i was searching for like shyt.. damn nice manga.. chinese manga called 魔法使的条件-太阳与风的坡道.. the comic damn nice yet the library only get a few copies -.- always being borrowed by other ppl lor.. den got a whole collection of dilbert xDD borrowed the whole set. *wootwoot* dun see why others dun like dilbert.. just got a few technical things and logic that you nid to think further.. :P

birth of a new blog xD

2007-12-09T19:09:00.000+08:00

lol finally created a blog.. i damn noob lor.. duno how to make one xD

thx to jas who helped me with it^^arigato gozaimasu